I really do not know how it happened, I might have some foggy memory of what sparked the change but I can’t go into it now. People often ask me how I do it,or why, and the answer has always been the same I am a woman that has nothing to lose.
I speak what’s on my mind, because by status quo women like me are not to be heard anyways.
Holland is an emotionally violent country, We know this, they prepare us for this.
She shifts from being an opportunity to being a bully at least twice a week but you learn to cope. From racist lecturers, to even more racist and the typical “i don’t see color” classmates that roll their eyes anytime you speak in class. They stay pressed that you exist. That you glow. That you speak. For some of us, the student life is harder and Holland isn’t really the liberal Utopia they want to make it out to be. You have to learn your way around the dutch, you have to learn your way around whiteness if you want to make it.
We have a school group for communication students, besides the occasional asking for PDF’s there isn’t anything happening there. Once upon a time I thought it would be fun to occasionally post a student life related meme if only to make people laugh. it was fun and games until one day a boy stopped me at the stairs and asked me
“Are you Yakari? why are you always so angry?”. oh yes, he did. He came up to this always dancing, always singing, always cracking jokes,
cheerful girl on two feet and asked her why she was always angry. I smiled. I told him I am not angry at all.
He said that it seems like it.
I reflect on my journey to “wokeness” often. I think of all the things I’ve lost because of it and I also look at all that I have gained. Being aware of systematic oppression, of the patriarchy, of the differences between race has changed everything from my dating life to the way I speak to my mother.
I don’t fight everyone, I pick and choose my battles very wisely and who ever wants to think I can be their little intellectual slave who will sit down and educate them can keep it moving. You have to do your own learning, you have to do it at your own pace, in the way it fits you. People are under no obligation to make you see what’s happening in this world, it is your own personal responsibility to find your blindspots..
But I will tell you this much, Life isn’t an uniformed experience It looks different to everyone else and while some people have problems of greater magnitude, this doesn’t mean that the small ones don’t deserve to be tackled. I get called exotic often, I get called angry often, I get asked for sex often, solely because I am a Dominicana and Dominicanas fall under the sultry, she’ll do the whip and the nae nae on your dick Latina stereotype.
The other day I asked someone I fancied what type of women were her favorite,
She said “for one night stands and fun a Latina, but I’d marry a Dutch one”.
Just like that, like it wasn’t problematic at all.
When I speak, I speak out of a need to survive, out of a need of showing that they are more faces to the Dominican identity.
Honey, I too wish I could kumbaya, victoria secret, unicorn frappuccino my way through life…but as you can see